summer long ago

I miss my life, I want it back. I thought I was moving forward and I haven't gone anywhere...I thought that then too but at least I was having fun...at least I was DOING something. anything.

I don't do anything anymore, I don't see anyone anymore. I haven't met anyone new or interesting. I haven't thought the way I did since I left.
I miss seeing the world the way I did, everything was...amazing..in its own way. And I loved it. And it loved me back.

Today I parked my car next to the park and walked the streets of downtown. Crisscross, up, down, sideways, up stairs, down alleys. Stopping to look at the people and the buildings and the mountains and the trees. I found some beautiful places. You wouldn't believe it if I told you.

While walking I pretended that I was new to SLC, that I had never been here before. Had never seen a SL,UT shirt, SLUG magazine, or been in the Heavy Metal Shop before. Looked at it in a completely new light. It was just what I needed. New perspective.

But I also had all my great memories of past downtown adventures. Summers spent away from my father's house deep in the city, trying to escape the oppressive and stressful situation I was in. Going all day without food just because we couldn't bare going back to his house. Talking to strangers at the library, hobos at the park, hippies at the drum circles, metal kids at the shops....We were just kids, we didn't know anything then.

It was good going back...just pretending if only for me that I wasn't myself. I was someone else with someone else's stresses and worries and friends and family. A whole story different from my own. Maybe even that I wasn't in Utah at all, maybe Phillie or DC?

Its funny how pretending to be someone different for a day helps me realize who I am.
I walked in silence, eyes constantly moving, drinking in every sight, mind going crazy...occasionally a single word would over flow out of my troubled mind onto my lips. It was usually something like "WOW" gazing up at a gorgeous building or some amazing sight I was sure no one else had ever seen in quite the same light or way that I was currently witnessing.

People hurrying on their way to their jobs or to school or to shop or maybe they were on their way to a fancy party? My mind would then wonder to their made-up fancy party with their made-up fancy friends. Until......

"SUBRRRIIIIIIIINNNNAAAAA!"
...dragging me out of my mind, finally surfacing for air.
I knew as soon as I heard the voice to whom it belonged to.

Rory Markham.

But what was my metal-head friend doing here? In downtown Salt Lake of all places?

Trying to find the Slayer concert he and his band-mates didn't have tickets for. duh.
Why didn't I think of that? Probably because it's crazy.
So what do I do? I run across the busy street and jump into their car as the line of cars start to move again.
My downtown adventure on a beautiful October falling day had ended with a bang and with its ending a new adventure began. That's life, that's how it works.
And I love it.








More later.
night.

-S